Married with Child: A Heartfelt Letter from Newlyweds about Contraception

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It is easy to be taken captive by an argument. It’s far easier to be taken captive by an argument that you are born into, and immersed in. For my generation, that argument is the well named “contraceptive mentality” — and for many it is the unquestioned law of the land. “Of course we use birth control! Who doesn’t?!” We live and move in an age where science has fatefully severed the procreative nature from the act of sex, and most of us are unmoved and unapologetic about it. Our motto is “If it’s possible, then it’s permissible!” and our authority is individual subjectivity. “I” make the decision to start a family. “I” make the decision as to what sex “is” and what it entails. And “I” define the terms of stewardship.

However, such is not the testimony of a growing number of young, concerned, conservative evangelicals. And I happen to be smack dab in the middle of a big group of them! In the past few years, in absolutely mind boggling ways, the Lord has moved upon the hearts and minds of young couples that I know, causing them to challenge the status quo of contraception, and look afresh at the Scriptural testimony that we’ve been given in terms of children, marriage, family, sex, stewardship, dominon, radical discipleship, wisdom, and faith. And more often than not, they come away shaken, and they come away changed.

God’s heart for marriage and sex is no secret knowledge, needing to be “reinterpreted” by cultural whims. It’s clear, and it’s there right from the beginning. God is God, children are good, they are his to give and to withhold, and the marital union is the place that he has ordained them to be brought into the world. When these Scriptural truths are honored, it has an amazing (albeit, sovereignly intended) effect upon marriage. But don’t take my word for it…

Here’s a letter I received a few weeks ago from a dear friend back in the Texas, who got married a few months ago. His words hit me like a freight train…filled with a load of truth, love, and honesty!

 

Be challenged, and be encouraged,

‘BH

p.s. – I did some minor editing of names, just to keep it cyber-safe; and to keep them from being stalked by irate family planners…lol.

———–

“Hank,

First off, my wife and I have been joking since we found out that we are “in the family way” that we would send you a letter requesting Child support payments- seeing as how our conversation this summer helped me to sort out where the Lord had been leading her and I in this decision. In all seriousness, I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to help me sort out my thoughts. I believe that in many ways the Lord was using you (and your studies in this area) to speak into my heart the beauty of trusting him fully.

Which leads me to my second point… I am so stinkin glad that we didn’t use the pill. I mean, don’t get me wrong… I’m scared to death about how I’m going to provide for this family. However, I have seen something in my marriage, even just in the short time that I’ve been married, that I cannot explain. My wife and I knew from the beginning that we were open/ likely to get pregnant very quickly, and it created a deepness and richness in our relationship that went so much deeper than just the love of a young married couple. We knew that there was no getting out of this, no negotiated buyouts, no “we’ll see how marriage goes” when we said “I do”. Babies do not go away like marriages do. I am not saying that other couples haven’t experienced the same level of commitment, but the openness to a child completely exposes any questions or doubts you have about that other person. When you make a baby, a part of you is in that other person for the life of that child- tangibly. We knew that we were in it for the long haul, right from the start.

Another thing that we have experienced is (in our words) a “full” experience of marriage. For us, we see birth control as robbing your marriage of one of its most precious gifts- faith. When you intervene on God’s turf, you communicate a complete lack of faith in His ability to provide in your life. I have never been so exposed as I am right now, and yet I’ve never been so absolutely certain that God will never abandon his children. It’s not like God is sitting in heaven saying “Well, this couple didn’t use the pill, so I gotta give ‘em a baby…”; rather, it is as if God takes our modicum of faith and says, “Look what I can do”… to which the only proper response is a worshipful, beautiful, honest trust. I cannot believe that God would be so good as to give us the greatest gift we will ever receive (outside of himself and each other). I get to be a Daddy- the greatest job on earth.

The last thing we’ve been thinking about lately is the issue of stewardship. I have always heard that birth control was an issue of ‘good stewardship’. Well, I got to teach the Men’s Ministry discipleship group this week on “Financial Responsibility” and the issue of stewardship was right at the top of my list of things to talk about. However, in studying, I came across an idea that I’ve never thought of before. The definition of steward implies possession of another’s goods. In other words, you cannot steward something by declining or rejecting management of it. In effect, the only way to be a good “steward” of children, is to 1) have them and 2) manage them properly. I talked about this to the group on Tuesday, but I didn’t mention it in the context of birth control (off topic). So, I’d be curious to see if you have any thoughts on this. Perhaps I’m just arguing semantics, but it seems to me like ’stewardship’ is not a very good argument for birth control.

Anyhow, I need to get to bed, but I have been wanting to sit down and write some of this out. So I hope you don’t mind reading- I know it’s quite a bit. I would like to send you your O’Donnovan book back, and I need to know where to have my lawyer send the subpoena for the Child support hearing, so can you send me your mailing address. We send you our best from Texas, and look forward to seeing you when we can.”

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Filed under Birth Control, Culture, Ethics, Life, Quote, Religion, Scripture, Theology

Tags: Birth Control, Children, Christian, Contraception, Culture, Evangelical, family planning, Marriage, Newlyweds, Scripture, Sex, Stewardship, Theology