Before I pretend that Josh said something that he did not, in his bestselling book entitled “boy meets girl: say hello to courtship“, let me just get one thing clear: Harris never (overtly) opined on the issue of birthcontrol (at least intentionally) in the pages of this provocative piece encouraging young singles to pursue “romance chaperoned by wisdom”. He did however (and I believe rightly so), give a Scripturally founded commentary on the precious God-centered purposes for sex. Here I want to take a closer look at a few of the things he said:
“God celebrates pure sex within marriage. He invites us to do the same. “What more divine gift of celebration do we have than lovemaking?” asks Douglas Jones. He writes that the marriage bed should not “merely be a place of satisfying natural urges, but a place for delighting in the mysterious beauty of those drives. Why did God delight to entrance us with smooth skin, soft breasts, firm muscles, entangled legs, and slow kisses?”
Why did God delight to make us so? The answer is for our enjoyment and His glory. Because he is very, very good. He could have made the means by which we procreate as brief and boring as sneezing. Instead, He gave it more sizzle than the Fourth of July. And when a husband and wife revel in and thank God for the gift of sex, they glorify Him. Their lovemaking becomes a jubilant, two-person worship service!” - pg 145
Giving Bro. Harris his due, I don’t want to assume that he was speaking primarily to God’s purposes for sex in toto. I think it’s clear from the context, and the overall purpose of the book, that he is attempting to answer certain questions about the “goodness” of sex in marriage, and debunk any claims to that same “goodness” outside of the marriage covenant. However, take a look at how he makes his argument: “Why did God delight to make us so? The answer is for our enjoyment and His glory. Because he is very, very good. He could have made the means by which we procreate as brief and boring as sneezing. Instead, He gave it more sizzle than the Fourth of July.” Here, Harris uses the word “procreate”, it would seem, as a synonym for “sex”. But which sense of these words does he really intend to evoke? Is he intentionally linking God’s created purpose for sex to procreation? Why then, did it not make it into his previous “answer”?
If we are to understand God’s purposes for sex as merely 1) our enjoyment, and 2) God’s glory - are we doing justice to both General and Special revelation’s testimony to one of the clear purposes of sex in procreation? Again, I don’t think that Josh is denying that procreation is one of God’s purposes for sex. However, I do think that is one of the prevailing views of sex in much of contemporary evangelicalism. Much of popular Protestant piety has removed the idea of children from their considerations of sex, and transferred them into the area of stewardship (along with their money and their time).
But that’s just it. God didn’t make sex monetarily procreative (meaning, instead of conceiving children, we would conceive little 100 dollar bills… baby Ben Franklin’s, if you will). If that was the case, boy oh boy would we not be having this conversation! (”Are you using birth control?”… “Us?! Are you serious!? And not have a 100 dollar bill every couple of years? You must be crazy! If God wants to bless us with a hundred dollars, well then by all means, bless away!”) Ah yes, we would still deal with the question of stewardship, but then it would be in its proper context - after receiving the gift to be stewarded. But I digress…
Josh also made the point that God glorifying lovemaking is a “two-person worship service“. Amen again brother. I can’t help but think that God looks down and smiles when he sees Scriptures like Genesis 2:24 being fulfill as he meant it to be, in the covenant of marriage. But I would like to press something here. A few (loaded) questions will help set the stage:
- Who invented worship? Whose idea was it?
- Do we get the idea from Scripture (either Old or New Testament) that we can worship in any way we want?
- If worship does have God inspired purposes, are we free to change them according to our own purposes?
Now switch gears a little bit:
- Who invented marriage?
- Who invented and created man, woman, sex, and the ability for it to be procreative?
- Who then has authority over how it is engaged in?
- If we view sex as a form of worship, then are we free to change its inherent, and Created procreative qualities for our own purposes?
Harris goes on in his book to quote Bethany Torode (which should be noted here is the co-author, along with her husband Sam, of the book “Open Embrace: A Protestant Couple Rethinks Contraception“…. Small world, don’t you think? lol). In quoting her, he writes, “the problem among many Christians is that we “don’t acknowledge sexual intimacy as a whole package.”" And she couldn’t be more correct. That particular quote was addressing Josh’s decision not to kiss his fiance prior to their marriage, but it carries with it quite a commentary on the way a majority of Protestant couples view marriage, sex, and procreation as well.
Many Protestants have bought the lie that sexual intimacy is a buffet of blessings, providing them with as much of what they’d like to enjoy at the time - and none of what they’d rather save for another trip. To compare it to Old Testament worship, we light the fire and leave the sacrifice at home. Did we come to worship? “Oh yes”, we readily affirm. But we came on our own terms, holding back what we’d rather not “burden” ourselves with. That my friends is not biblical worship. And I’d like you to prayerfully consider that, as Oliver O’Donovan notes, “the procreative and relational aspects of marriage strengthen one another, and each is threatened by the loss of the other. This is a knot tied by God, which men should not untie.”
Thank you Josh, for the challenging book. As you can see, it definitely got me thinking…
‘BH
3 Comments
July 22, 2008 at 3:52 am
Masterfully reasoned and insightfully captured, Brother Hank. Our generation is waking up to the immense pleasure of the Gospel and out of the existential sorrow of self-gratification.
This post gives me hope that men of Christ like yourself won’t let us slip back into self-serving idolatry in any form.
PLEASURE in AND OBEDIENCE to Christ: BOTH beautiful
July 23, 2008 at 12:10 am
Thanks for stopping by Brother Will. Dr. Moore (up at Southern Seminary) recently opined that he believes the reason that “our generation is waking up” to the genuine implications of a Gospel-centered life is that it is quickly becoming less and less acceptable to be a Christian in America today. With increased persecution, the Church actually will grow more “radically Orthodox” (my words) in its doctrine and outworkings in culture, because the number of “cultural Christians” or “fashionable profess-ers” will inevitably dwindle. It’s an exciting time to be alive brother! May we not miss this opportunity to be “salt and light”!
August 19, 2008 at 12:52 am
[...] A Package Deal: Pondering Birth Control in Light of Joshua Harris … - “God celebrates pure sex within marriage. He invites us to do the same. “What more divine gift of celebration do we have than lovemaking?” asks Douglas Jones. He writes that the marriage bed should not “merely be a place of satisfying … [...]
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